A Pen & Two Cents: May 2016

18th August, 2001

Today was not a day like any other. It was my birthday, marking the completion of my 10th year on this planet. Well, not just that. It was also the birthday with "the final birthday party." "We will host no more birthday parties from now on, since you have become a big girl," my mother had told me when we were out making purchases. So, I was determined to make an amazing memory out of it.

Even today,

I still remember every bit of the fun my friends and I had during the party. First, it was the pre-party etiquette. The picture of me, snugly dressed, waiting eagerly by the door for my friends to arrive; escorting them inside, to meet my parents and exchange pleasantries; my mother sending me back from the kitchen with a 10"x10" serving tray with glasses of chilled Rasna, that dangerously clinked against each other as I walked; me slyly eyeing the glossy gift boxes in their hands while they drank.

PC: Toddler Party Games

Then came the official party amusement, usually kicking off with light-hearted games. Ah, the games in a classic birthday party! Musical chairs, Pop the balloon, Dog and the bone, Dodgeball, Straws and gems, Queen of Sheba, Odd one out. I could keep going on. Such a vintage collection. One after other we would play them all, until our energy maxed out for the day and our faces turned pink and shiny. Remember the moral support? The glorious uproar from our friends if we transferred all the 25 Cadbury gems from one bowl to another in less than a minute; the hugs from your team if you managed to snatch the bone and cross the line without getting tagged; such overwhelming emotions. And the way our heart would jump out and beat in our mouth when we were one of the last two jogging around the final chair. Come to think of it now, I would say musical chair was our childhood version of the IronThrone :) Running around, we silently bide our time and when the music stops, we charge ahead to reserve our right, mercilessly shoving aside even our closest buddies. All for that one final chair!

Yet, amid all this tension, we knew. We always knew. That they were just games and nothing more. When the game ended and the prizes were handed out (furry pencil purses, scented toy erasers, 5rupee chocolates), the first thing we did was share them all. The laughter and merriment never dimmed, not even for a minute. Those were what became memories for me, which I cherish to date.

But today, things have changed. The birthday parties of various nieces and nephews that I attended lately came as a shock. When the games began, it was complete mayhem. Every time a game ended, a kid also ended up crying for losing, or should I say 'not winning.' The parents, instead of giving the sulking kids a different perspective, just soothed them with a few extra cookies, and a 20 minute exclusive break on a smartphone. That did the trick neatly and brought smiles again.

PC: Scholastic

Kids like them in this generation care neither about the game nor the gift. The only thing that matters to them is winning, irrespective of everything. Because winning means they are the best. And being the best gets them more attention around the room. More attention makes them feel more special. Feeling special round the clock is something all of us love and hope for, let alone the children.

This constant need to feel special is common. After all, they are tiny humans figuring out the concept of competition and winning. When they learn from us that winning is better than losing, that is what they tend to pursue eventually. But, while seeking to win is natural, turning into a sore loser in the process is not. Competitiveness in itself is not a negative trait, but one must also be able to take an occasional blow gracefully.

So, when it comes to teaching overly competitive children about healthy spirits, sportiness, graceful losses, and the ability to bounce back again, here are a few questions which need a serious thought,

Is just calming them down with more treats and fusses the right way?

How do we teach them toughness? In what simple ways?

When is the right time to talk to them about it?

What amount of competition is the right amount of competition for them?
How do we set a good example?

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P.S: I missed to mention the final as well as the best part of a birthday party: Cake-cutting. Huddled around a tiny table, we would wait for my mom to bring out the creamy cake. With the candles all brightly lit up, and the centuries-old song ready on everyone's lips, I would joyously wield the ribbon-clad plastic knife. As you know, the rest is history :)